Melancholy l ylohcnaleM
by TyPinG sLOwLy
Summary: You know how summaries always have the more interesting parts of the story just there? I won't allow this! The whole story is interesting all right! I'm not going to state something that will be so obvious to you after you read. That's all!
1. Prologue: Enter North High

**Melancholy l ylohcnaleM**

Let me tell you that I'm not going to start off with a "once upon a time" and all that crap. Something that states the beginning of a story like that really ruins the mood that the author would want to create, so I'm simply doing a better job at it! Now wait . . . what was I going to say? Guh . . . whatever, I just want to get things straight between you and me all right? Let me say it once, you better not make me repeat myself!

I want a more interesting life, one of excitement and danger! One from the novels of old to the manga of today! To see the future and what could come from our adventures! To explore the mind of a lost soul! Ghosts are cool too but . . . not the white sheet or the puff of smoke type deal. Murder mysteries would be awesome and I would defiantly solve them! This all seems simple, no?

_Nope, not simple at all._

For you see, the only way I could have this interesting life is to search! Search the depths of the earth! Leave no rock left unturned! At least that was what my mindset was. To tell you the truth, it wasn't working, at least if I searched by myself it wasn't. Should I just give it up? Return to the boring life that many have already succumbed to?

Of course not! I know I'll be rewarded someday, whether through three wishes from a genie or through some god given power!

. . . But I'm using too many exclamations here. I am perfectly serious when I say that the world needs to be more interesting. You just need to find those interesting things. Though, if I could find a star up in the sky that could teleport me to another world I would have left long ago. So, why keep searching?

To meet _him_ . . .

The only one who ever understood . . .

My search was powered by his words that something else was out there. And even if there was a possibility of him being dead, I would still search. Who is this person I am talking about?

John Smith.

. . . I know it's a fake name but since he gave it to me there is nothing else to call him by. The only mystery in my life told me that he had gone to North High, a school infamous for its creaky doors and poor circulation systems. I thought that if a mysterious person had come from that school, what are the chances that conspiracies took place there? _Tons of coarse!_

So after ignoring my middle school homeroom teacher to go to a snootier school, I shifted my gears towards the mysterious North High . . .

. . . And met _him_.

* * *

Cruising through the entrance exams was as easy as walking a dog – a tame one that is. Or maybe it was walking a dog in a park? Whatever, I can't understand these stupid metaphors anyway; people should just come out and say it instead of thinking in circles!

It was easy, _too_ easy. I actually started to worry whether I should come to a school this easy. I probably could sleep through all the classes and _still_ pass. Not a bad idea actually, just that the stupid teachers wouldn't allow it. You know us teens are still growing, right?

Anyway, I stormed up the hill our school was on without batting an eye, passing stunned idiots who immediately paused and stared. _Figures_.

I decided to skip out the morning assembly; I just _know_ what that Head Man is going to say.

"_You are all high schoolers now with more responsibilities and blah, blah, blah,"_ what he probably said. That's what they said in middle school, do you really think I would believe in it now?

I charged towards my assigned room, 1-5, and slid the door open forcefully, noticing that I was by myself. _Perfect_. No annoying teachers to whine at me here. If I'm lucky, people will think I just rushed ahead. No one would suspect I actually skipped the entire event! Not that they would care if I skipped it or not . . .

I sighed and looked outside the window.

"I am alone . . . huh," I said aloud and glared outside to the people who came last minute, most likely those who wanted to sleep in.

This school had sailor uniforms and blazers. The Head Man's probably a pervert or something.

My thoughts swirled then glazed over as time continued to count down.

How long is this stupid thing taking? Really, if they don't hurry I'm going to write something offensive on the blackboard, sneak out, then surprise everyone at the last second. Though, I'm kind of getting tired of those childish pranks, it's not like anyone _unnatural_ has noticed . . .

Speaking of unnatural, here come the people who were unnaturally late! Really . . . while you were late to class, tons of exciting things could have happened. Who knows, the entire school could have been abducted by aliens in the lecture hall . . .

". . ."

I looked over towards the door.

That would mean I was missing out . . . and I don't want to miss out on something that huge! But it's too late now . . . oh well.

After waiting for thirty minutes people finally started to pour in. I wondered if the Head Man was talking about his pet or something. People took their seats quickly as our homeroom teacher strode in with enormous steps. He probably had a big ego.

And he did, for he ranted on and on about how fun handball was and how you were certain to have a spot if you joined. If his speech was this mundane, just imagine how mundane the Head Man's speech was. He then said something I would have never guessed him saying,

"Let's have everyone introduce themselves."

. . . If this school was supposed to be abnormal then I'm going to jump out that window right now. You can't be serious, _right_?

So one by one, boy to girl, people recited their name, school, and what made them boring. Some told jokes that made me want to throw up, while others stumbled through theirs like they _were_ going to throw up. It had gone around until I was the next person.

Nervous?

_Nope_.

I got up quickly. Let's just get this over with.

"Suzumiya Haruhi, from East Junior High,"

And a horribly _normal_ Junior High at that . . .

"I am not interested in ordinary people. If you're an alien, time traveler, slider, or esper please inform me. That's all."

And if you expect me to say more, I'd happily ignore you.

Silence had filled the room, almost as if I had committed a murder.

No one _really_?

I glanced over the students that I had no affiliations with, mostly non-East Junior High people. They gawked at me bewildered, mostly confused. Some turned away (yeah . . . they're from East Junior High), while others looked at me with worry. My only hope for an abnormal reaction was with the person sitting in front of me.

I first noticed his eyes. They looked as if they hadn't opened in years. His mouth was agape and he looked up at me with surprise. He continued to look at me as I sat down and I fixed my gaze to the window.

However, I _think_ I sensed something from him, I just didn't know of that sense right then. If I time traveled back to that point it would have been obvious to me.

That was when we met, whether through fate or luck, I had found my mystery.

* * *

I was starting to doubt everything this school had to offer.

Throughout the day we sat there reviewing what we had learned last year, the same mundane stuff. Before I knew it, the days started to blur together until a week had already passed. No one had come up to me about the extraordinary and so far, I hadn't seen anything out of this world.

Was he . . . wrong?

Wait! I can't doubt myself now! I need to search remember! But how? As I was thinking of how exactly I was to catch the abnormal off guard, that guy - whose name escaped my mind - casually sat down. I ignored him be glaring out the window, which so far had been my excuse to ignore everybody else.

Suddenly he turned around and nonchalantly said, "Hey, you know the stuff you said in your introduction? How much of it was serious?"

My head turned robotically towards him as I studied his smiling features. Was I serious? Is _he_ serious? I wonder. . .

"What stuff in my introduction?"

It was pretty obvious what it was since there was only one thing I really addressed.

"You know . . . aliens."

"Are you an alien?"

Though it's likely he wasn't. He looked too normal.

"No . . . but . . ."

_No_ _but_ _what_?

"Just . . . forget it . . ."

"Then quit bothering me then you're wasting my time!" I huffed and glared out the window again. Well hey . . . a smudge I hadn't noticed before . . .

The guy in front of me obviously gave up as he turned around. _Figures._

On to better subjects!

I had been thinking about a lot of stuff considering this new school that I'd like to inform you about. Let's start off with the students . . .

All these idiots seem to care about is their social circle. Let me tell you, about a day after I had that stupid talk with that guy, some people started to "pretend" they were my friend or something. Really, I had no time for pathetic humans like them! Why talk about some TV show when the real thing is possibly happening in the real world! Though . . . I've never been really interested in soap operas and things like that. If they had amazing fight scenes then sure . . .

Well, that wasn't what I was trying to say. I meant that any type of relationship - friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, and close friends . . . the list goes on but you get what I'm saying - they're pointless.

You say "good morning" to your friend in homeroom, talk about what happened with your sister last night. Then you ask to copy said friends homework and since you're friends there's no reason to say no. You rely on this schedule until high school ends then _BAM_! It's all over. You then grow up, get a job and such, marry the man of your "dreams" (which is such a stupid concept that I throw up at that sentence), have a kid just to help procreate the species, your husband dies, and then you die. Do you ever think about that friend you asked to constantly copy homework from again? I don't think so.

. . . But I've gotten off topic. How about the structure.

It's a total mess! Seriously, I have to rush into the cafeteria just so I could get a seat and the lines . . . ugh! You would think that they would compensate with the food but it looks like this school could only afford cheap rice and rock hard sandwiches. I _thought_ I wouldn't complain about this because I _thought_ this school would have something abnormal but at this rate I'm going to cut North High's string of life!

I can't _wait _until the temperature rises because I didn't see a _single_ air conditioner.

Finally, the clubs . . . laughable.

I decided after staring out the window that the best way to search the school was to surprise them. That being said, I joined not one but all of the clubs and let me tell you, it took awhile. Let me backtrack though, I'm getting ahead of myself. I decided that the aliens wouldn't expect me to be joining a club then quitting the next day to join another club.

Of these clubs though, none caught my attention. I at least thought that the weird clubs would have had something interesting but it seems that the aliens have bested me. I won't take this defeat lightly.

It was after joining the Calligraphy club that I realized something.

Maybe they're _trying_ to hide from me . . . I don't know, maybe it was the look that that really cute girl had, but I sensed that maybe they didn't _want_ me to find them . . .

I stopped writing on a calligraphy pad immediately. I jumped suddenly from my chair and rushed out, startling club members as I did so.

It was pointless. I was probably doing what they wanted. I gave up before even trying out for the handball team, but then again . . . what type of alien would play handball?

* * *

**Hope you liked it and please tell me what you think. **


	2. Chapter 1: The Mundane

**Melancholy l ylohcnaleM**

"Please won't you join?"

_God, how annoying._

I shoved a baseball bat back into its container and stomped away from the pleading stares of my senpai. Come on, why the hell would I join you?

This was the product of my constant searching - pestering overachievers. I would've hoped that they'd leave me alone by now but . . . this was getting a bit over the top. It seemed that my cold glares didn't persuade them to leave me alone so I did the best thing I could do . . .

_Why do some people continue to pester a person that is clearly ignoring them?_

With that question in mind I headed back to the classroom to change back into my uniform.

I'm getting ahead of myself again. Let's go back to what happened before P.E. with the incredible player of handball, Okabe-sensei. I had already given up hope on the sports clubs; too many people had big egos. The other clubs were hopeless.

The band didn't have _anyone_ who could play faster than a tempo of 300! The stupid mystery organization only sat around discussing books that they had already read and figured out! Even the clubs that were supposed to be strange were bland! Golden Week was already coming up, a month had already past. I was expecting to catch at least _one_ alien by the time vacation came around but there's nothing!

I was brooding as the bell sounding P.E. came around. I was unaware of time around me and I had already gotten used to ignoring everyone.

Changing out of a uniform is a mundane thing. This could be put in the list of mundane things we _have_ to do every single day - brush teeth, eat breakfast, while saying "Bye!" as you rush out the door.

I _hate_ mundane things.

So I had to get this mundane event over with as soon as possible! Shocked voices surrounded me as I changed out of my uniform. I really didn't care who was seeing me change as long as I got this over with.

There was a sudden rush of wind as the sliding door to our classroom was shoved open as the male race was kicked out of the room.

Why is it that as soon as I start undressing they start to care about what I do? Anyway, the class rep – who was she? Ah, Asakura Ryoko. Anyway, she frowned at me and shook her head. What's with her?

"Suzumiya-san . . . you need to wait until the boys go to the other classroom."

"And?"

Ryoko looked at me for a few seconds then sighed.

"I thought you would've already known this. It's been a month already."

I just stared out the window as I slipped my shirt over me, ignoring her completely.

This Asakura girl is just like everyone else, she's already given up on finding anything interesting. She would never break any rules to find the extreme; she's too much of a goody two-shoes. After deafening my ears to the rest of the girls pleas to listen to Asakura's logic (if it's called logic), they decided that the only way the virgin males wouldn't be exposed to my body was to kick them out as soon as the bell rang.

. . . Pretty stupid since I only did it once. It would've made better sense if I had done it tons of times before. The sheep only seemed interested in following the herder, Asakura Ryoko.

I just _know_ that behind Ryoko's smiling face is a demon or something. I have to investigate this later.

Golden Week passed and it was such a _boring_ week. I searched the town for anything suspicious, though I knew it wouldn't work if I was alone. Things would've been so much easier if I was searching with someone else. I just have a feeling I wasn't covering enough ground.

Anyway, the week passed uneventfully and the season of cherry blossoms soon came to an end. I remembered that today was Wednesday and did my hair like so. I wonder if anyone would notice it. And no, I didn't want to attract the opposite sex; I just wanted someone to notice the pattern.

Usually if a secret spy for some esper organization comes to watch over a school, they usually come to spy on _someone_. They would naturally notice small details such as the way I tied my hair a different way each day.

. . . and I'm not making up excuses! This is a fact I swear, the esper would definitely come up to me and ask about my hair for sure. No mundane human would be able to observe this change since most mundane humans don't notice me anyway.

Today my hair was in two buns.

I sat down in my seat and glared outside - same old, same old. If you think about it, maybe staring out this window is starting to become mundane. After all, I am doing this every day. God . . . now _I'm _starting to look boring. Please, won't _someone _just break this stupid . . .

"Do you change your hair every day to ward off alien invaders?"

. . . pattern.

What? Who just . . . said that?

For once I looked away from the window that had been my salvation. It was the guy who was sitting in front of me – I still didn't know his name. I would have been a bit more excited, except for the fact that he was looking straight at me. I decided to respond in a bored manner.

"When did you notice?" I asked, though I didn't really care when exactly. The fact that someone actually realized this pattern was surprising. Don't tell me he's known of this pattern all along?

"Um . . . just recently," he said.

Just recently? Weren't we just on break?

"I see . . ."

I stared back out the window to avoid his eyes. I needed to hide any sort of interest in him I just needed to . . .

"I think that every day has a certain image," I started, "By colors Monday would be yellow, Tuesday would be red, Wednesday is definitely blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday would be white."

Hopefully this would scare him away. At first I didn't want to reply to him but he would probably be like those stupid athletes – he would just keep bugging me. So if I replied with sincerity he would definitely run with a tail between his legs. If he actually talks after that spiel of mine then . . .

"So with numbers Monday would be zero and Sunday would be six?"

"Yes."

_. . . Would he just leave me alone?_

When our conversation seemed over, he opened his big mouth again.

"Monday feels more like a one . . ."

His statements are becoming so annoying it was almost . . . familiar.

"Nobody asked for your opinion!"

I was starting to snap back at him. Why was this person so interested in me in the first place? I had already classified him as normal after his stupid questions near the beginning of the school year. There was no way he was different from anyone else in this stupid school. And yet . . .

"Oh really?"

. . . There was something . . . different. I began to stare at him, trying to find _something _. . . but what?

_"So what's this supposed to be?" _

My mind had begun to fill with memories I couldn't exactly make out. For some odd reason, this guy was someone I knew. Unless my eyes were playing tricks on me. Was he in my Primary School? Junior High? Preschool?

_Did he know me?_

I realized that I had been staring at him for some time because he was looking back awkwardly. I had to ask, I don't know why but . . .

"Did we meet before? Like somewhere in the past?"

"Nope."

Well . . . that was blunt . . .

Thanks for calling me crazy unnamed male . . .

* * *

I returned home with a rock in my heart. My head was basically weighed down with shame and my bag felt like bricks.

"Why did I talk to him?" I asked myself, looking up to the ceiling of my room. My head still felt as if it weighed forty pounds. I almost couldn't hold it up. I slammed my body on my bed and stared at my desk, looking around the top until my eyes landed on one of the drawers.

Maybe there were rocks in my buns or something. I lifted my head and quickly pulled them out of my hair. When did I start doing that pattern? In Junior High? Why did I do it in the first place? It's not that I _liked_ styling my hair . . . so why did I do it? Was it _really _in order to track down espers?

. . . for some reason, doing my hair didn't seem as important as it was yesterday.

What I was about to do _seemed_ reasonable . . .

* * *

"Don't you think cutting your hair the day after I commented it a bit rash?" he asked.

"Nope."

* * *

**Thanks for the replies and sorry it's so short. I just wanted to get this out before my schedule became too busy (summer solstice Woo!)**.** I won't promise the next chapter to be coming out as soon as this one. Again, thanks for the reviews and stuff, I know that I'm doing something right!**

**. . . unless I'm doing something wrong in which case you should tell me.**


	3. Chapter 2: With Strength of Samson!

**Melancholy l ylohcnaleM**

You better not be having strange thoughts about this story! I'm the narrator giving specific details on what happened, and you better not categorize this before I start explaining.

That conversation wasn't anything! I repeat nothing!

I had no interest in him; he was a fly caught in a Venus fly trap. If anything, he was probably too lazy to even try to escape._ He was normal._

. . . Then why the hell do I keep listening to him? It's starting to bug me.

After class I stormed immediately out of the classroom. I couldn't let this . . . bug talk to me. This is definitely abnormal. Is this really going to be the first mystery I come across? I have to _question_ my own sanity? I crashed through a few students that were blocking my way and headed towards that stupid cafeteria.

Now, I would pack my own lunches but . . . my mom would always ask to make instead and . . . yeah.

Whatever, so I decided to ignore the line by gliding up towards the front - ignored the protesters from the back - and easily got my lunch.

Did I say how much this food sucked? _Seriously. _

Now to choose my seat was no problem since I had cut the line. I found this girl sitting all by herself in the corner reading a book.

Now, I'd probably sit by myself but . . . the seats would definitely fill in no time and I didn't want some stupid boring people to fill the space around me. So I decided to sit next to her. She seemed a bit strange too so . . . bonus!

I slammed my food a seat across from hers. I mostly did this to get her attention off that book but . . .

". . ."

. . _. She didn't even move. _I stared at her for a couple of seconds before easing myself into the chair. Why was I doing this again? Maybe my mind has gone crazy again. She looks a_ bit_ normal too. Why am I getting so interested in normal people? I blame it on_ him_.

"Four eyes!" I yelled at her, my face a bit angry.

Nothing . . .

Before I started thinking this girl was deaf, she breathed fresh air finally as she looked up at me.

". . ."

This was kind of getting boring so I just gave up talking to her and chomped my food down.

At least people tried to avoid us . . .

* * *

I wanted to skip homeroom.

_Unfortunately_, my body just automatically wakes up at six in the morning and _unfortunately _I went to school at the same time every morning. Skipping school sounded better but . . . the truth is that I can't skip school for the rest of the year. So, I had to deal with _him_ again.

"Did you really join every single club?"

How did he know that?

Was it _that _idiot?

"Tell me if you find any fun ones."

Fun?

_Fun?_

_**Fun?**_

Is that what he really thinks? That I was finding a _fun _club?

Let me first tell you the definition of fun.

Fun is when you finally enjoy something _not_ normal. For example, when you blow up fireworks - you don't enjoy them because they're "pretty". More like you enjoy the sense of power and destruction at your fingertips.

. . . but whatever.

"There's totally none," I said then to repeat because I just_ know_ he wouldn't listen . . . "There's totally none whatsoever."

I sighed quickly before moving on. Again this impulse to talk? It was familiar . . .

"I was expecting something better after joining this high school, but so far it's been just as boring. Maybe I went to the wrong school."

After all, he could have been lying about which school he came from. John Smith I mean. For all I now, he could have beaten up some guy that went to this school in order to blend in.

That thought is a bit depressing though . . .

Well if I think about it this way, it was pretty weird that he was wearing a uniform in the first place. It was nine o'clock and . . .

I'm getting off topic again.

"I can't believe all of these clubs are normal, I mean out of all the sports and artistic clubs you would think that there would be at least _one_ weird one."

"Wait, how do you decide if it's normal or not?"

This would be when I decide to explain my elaborate way of finding out if a club was boring or not but my policy – believe it or not – was pretty basic . . .

"Any club I like is weird. All the rest are normal. Isn't that obvious?"

And that was it. Nothing after that.

. . . And I'm not hiding anything!

* * *

Another day . . . (So annoying!)

"I heard this rumor . . ."

The idiot in front of me thought that since he managed to get a _few_ decent sentences out of me that he could casually strike a random conversation.

What is it_ now?_

"I heard that you dumped every guy you dated."

_Really? _Well of course this idiot would find that interesting. Let me guess . . . Tanaguchi again?

I'll just state what position I'm in nice and _clearly_.

"What gives you the right to ask me a question like that?"

This was all true though. I went out with anyone who cared to ask really; I thought I wouldn't need to mention this little detail but _someone_ had to ask tons of pointless questions! Imagine what would happen to the world if we all asked questions? People would never answer them! For example . . .

"What's for breakfast?"

"What do you think breakfast is?"

"So, what is it?"

"Don't you know?"

"Wait, didn't you ask me what was for breakfast?"

"No?"

See what would happen! This senseless fool thinks he can get all the answers but it's not that easy! _Jeez_ . . .

"I don't know what you heard from that idiot, but it's probably all true."

I knew for a fact that Tanaguchi was a stalker. If you checked the seating chart he was sitting right behind me, not to mention the three tiresome years I had to spend with him. And it isn't just because of his last name okay! But I wasn't dealing with Mr. Ego here. Right now I had to deal with Mr. Twenty Questions.

_Except don't go all the way to twenty, I'm already dying from one._

"There wasn't anyone you wanted to seriously date?"

Hmm . . . tricky . . . yes or no?

Really, if this guy keeps on asking these questions I'm going to explode! But . . . why am I answering him then? I was fine with ignoring everyone else right? _Great,_ there's something wrong with me. Wasn't the last conversation enough?

Unfortunately, I was forced to play this stupid game of twenty questions with him.

_Just guess the answer soon, okay?_

"All of them were losers. I could basically read all of them. We would go to a movie or amusement park on Sunday, we would always eat at the café. It would turn out in the end as 'see you tomorrow' or something equally stupid. Oh, it turns out that none of them were aliens, time travelers, or espers."

Though I sort of expected that . . .

"And what's with them asking me out on the phone? Shouldn't important matters be done in person?"

. . . Don't ask why I just I said that. Jeez, my head . . . are rocks still piling up there or something? Why would I care about his opinion in this? Technically, he was asking a private question that I _should_ have ignored. Maybe the extra weight that my hair provided gave me better sense and now that it's cut . . .

No! This is not like that story about the guy (who was it?) that got seduced into getting his hair cut, thus losing his strength! I will not lose strength!

"Well yeah, I mean I would probably tell her in person."

". . ."

Have I lost?

"Well that doesn't matter anyway!"

Need . . . to keep . . . feet on ground . . .

"The real problem is that it turns out that all the men are worthless. It was the one thing I couldn't stand in junior high."

That includes you of course. Let's just say this was a feeble attempt at an indirect verbal stab. Unless he even got that I was demeaning him.

"So what type of guy would you want?"

What? . . . Are you hinting towards something?

"I'm guessing an alien or the like."

Isn't that bluntly obvious? I've been stating stuff like this ever since we started talking! And why am I talking to you again? Does he want to go out or something?

Now to get rid of him once and for all!

"I'm fine with anything not normal. Alien or esper, male or female. It doesn't matter to me."

"Why are you so insistent on anything not normal?"

. . . you have GOT to be kidding me! Who does this guy think he is? I know I have been asking this since the beginning of these stupid conversations he loves, but does he really expect to keep the ball rolling with this pathetic innocence? Okay what if someone suddenly asked you why you liked a manga that you read basically every day? Wouldn't that be such a stupid question? This was what I was facing now.

"Because humans are no fun!"

You probably know already but I hate repeating myself. I had to make a statement that would get through his clouded head.

For some reason, he stared at me like I had proclaimed that the Earth was now the center of the solar system. Was what I said that serious? Unless he actually . . . understood. But there is no way that -

"That is why!"

I was full of drive. Adrenaline pumped through my veins like they never had before. I had to make a stand! I felt the seat underneath me push out and my eyes looked up to the sky. They are here for sure! They have to be! So that is why –

"That is why I'm working so hard!"

Humans are definitely boring. But if I strive to find an esper disguised as a human then there is no way I wouldn't be able to unveil that secret! Who knows? That quiet girl I met was probably a silent time traveler making sure she didn't change the past! Or Okabe could be an alien! The disguise of normalcy! That is what North High is about! I can't give up! I wouldn't give up!

Everyone stared at me in wonder along with Mr. Twenty Questions. The mouth that had been asking those stupid questions was in a big "o" and the people of class 1-5 had finally looked up to me in curiosity. This was what I wanted!

. . . Until the stupid teacher came in and interrupted my drive.

You know what . . . forget what I said about Okabe being an alien. If he was an alien, then I would slam my head against the window. You know maybe I should do that? It might be much better then staring at it. Wonder why I didn't think about that before?

After muttering his opening speech (what most people would call a speech) two times in a row as if we were deaf, I sat down and stared out the window again.

Unfortunately, I wondered what would have happened if I had talked to him alone.

* * *

I decided that the only way I was to learn this idiots name was to run out of the class room and listen in. That's it. I could have asked him his name, but I don't want him to be getting any funny ideas. You know, that we were "friends" or something.

I already told you what I thought on that concept, right?

As soon as I left, the one named Taniguchi – aka Mr. Ego – tried to silently call the big mouths name (I think?).

" . . .Kon"

Kon? Huh? That isn't a name at all. Who would have a stupid name like Kon?

Unfortunately, Mr. Ego found a way to silence his voice under the remote volume of 5. Whatever they were talking about wasn't interesting anyway. I ignored the idiotic stares from my peers who made their way out of the class room. I was trying to spy but I don't think it was working out. Oh, well.

After a while, a young voice suddenly rose near the direction I had heard "Kon".

"Kyon's always liked weird girls."

So wait, it's Kyon? That's even more stupid then Kon. And wait . . . he likes weird girls.

I don't believe in the word" like" so I will gratefully ignore that statement.

The sound in the class room picked up and all I heard through the crowd was the exaggerated "Kyon" repeated over and over. What's his real name! Damn . . . I can't stay out here for long until I start looking suspicious. So I high tailed out of there. The last thing I clearly heard was,

"It's a good thing she's managed to find at least one good friend here!" said a clear soprano.

. . . Friend, huh?

* * *

**Thank you for everyone who is reading so far and sorry if it took long to get this out. I love Summer too much. (Except for the fact that it's 94 degrees out side -.-').**

**Again your input matters, I hope Haruhi stayed in character!**

**Also, this is going based off the novels and in the novel, the order in which things happen in is a bit different (Like Itsuki appearing before Yuki tells Kyon about Haruhi) so yeah. Hope it's been entertaining! It's pretty fun writing in Haruhi's point of view. See you next chapter!  
**


	4. Chapter 3: A CLUB!

**ylohcnaleM l Melancholy **

Lunch once again.

I decided to try the hamburgers but when I got mine the cheese looked a lot like yellow wax. Well, if I was stranded on a deserted island I would eat it so . . .

That girl was sitting in the exact same spot as yesterday.

Doesn't she have any _ordinary_ friends?

Once again she ignored me as I slammed my lunch down across from her. She was reading some sci-fi novel. Maybe she wanted to find the unknown too. Well that's great then!

"Hey!"

She looked up from her book, pushing up her glasses. I glared at her with suspicion and she looked at me patiently. I usually never started a conversation with random people, but it was necessary for this girl.

"Are you a time traveler?" I decided to ask. It might work, who knows? Instead of the surprise I was expecting to form on her face or the confusion most people would have after my statement, she went back to her novel.

_. . . She just ignored me didn't she?_

How annoying is this girl! I was simply trying to start a conversation!

I'm not that hungry . . . I'll just search around the school for something abnormal . . .

Before I threw away my uneaten hamburger, I saw a sudden movement from four eyes. I looked back and waited for her to say something.

"Wait."

Huh?

She then turned and headed towards the old building leaving me behind.

Well at least she's interesting . . .

* * *

A new month.

I would go on and on about how "fast" the first month of high school went by, but it felt more like I was running down a hill backwards. Then right at the end of the month, I go splat and land on my head.

_May._

_Melancholy._

The beginning of something new depresses most people around this time of year. The rain falls even harder onto those who were struggling to achieve their dreams.

This was the month where I was starting to struggle. I wasn't struggling with grades – no it was too easy, remember? – I was struggling with something I had to deal with everyday.

_Reality._

Such a word _sickens_ me. Who would come up with such a word? Maybe those who enjoyed stating the obvious.

The reality of the new month was that we were going to switch seats, orders from Ryoko-san.

Something was going to change. It wasn't going to be just our seats.

I would finally be free from the hands of reality!

_That being "Kyon" who would no longer sit in front of me_. How fortunate of me! This would be the only time I ever praised Asakura Ryoko. She sort of pissed me off with her "I Like Everyone, And Everyone Should Like Me Back" act. Now it was becoming beneficial to me.

Goodbye Kyon, _forever_!

If only that was the title of this story.

It turns out that the person who had to turn around to face me would be none other then . . .

I stopped to check the piece of paper I had chosen, then to the seat in the right hand corner, and then to the seat in front of that seat.

I had picked nine.

. . . It must be six! Yes, it's just upside down.

_Damn_! A line is crossed underneath!

I quickly sat down in the seat behind him. Will I be doomed to listen to his stupid questions forever? I think I saw him jump a bit as I sat behind him. He was probably surprised that the same girl was sitting behind him. Who thought up this stupid scenario?

Maybe if I whined he would ask the teacher to change seats. That's what any _normal_ person would do.

"Why isn't anything happening? The first month of school is already over. Can't some people turn up missing or something? Like dead teachers locked in a classroom or kids going missing."

"Stop saying such disturbing things," I heard him mutter.

Guess I've found a weakness.

"I joined the Mystery Research Society."

I decided to tell Kyon of my exploits. The society was in the old building on the first floor. Once I had walked into that door, they started asking what types of _books _I had read like Sherlock Holmes instead of what _mysteries_ I had solved. I ran out of there immediately. I would never want to stay in such hell.

Though, I'll have to admit, I did steal _some _of their books . . .

Why was this on my mind again? Oh yeah . . . _him_.

"How was that?"

"Stupid. They didn't even solve mysteries. All of them were stupid otakus. None of them looked like a super sleuth."

"Of course . . ."

Did he actually understand me?

. . . Nah, that's just my head again. No way would he be saying that because he understood. He was just making the conversation last longer with random words_. As I expected . . ._

"I then went to the Supernatural Study Group and they were totally a riot."

"Really?"

His answers were so predictable. How boring. Why don't you ask me what happened or something besides being so vague? Do I have to answer a question that wasn't even voiced? "Really" isn't going to cut it.

But I'll say it again, he was predictable.

"Yeah, they were all like occult leaders for some strange religion. Does that sound interesting to you?"

"Nope."

Figures . . . This guy looks like he wouldn't find _anything _interesting. If a space ship suddenly landed outside, he'd probably think it was a deformed airplane. How blind is he? I'm so irritated!

"God, I'm so bored! Why doesn't this school have anything interesting?"

"You can't do anything about what's not there," he answered.

"I thought there would be at least _one_ weird club."

I searched everywhere. The entire school. All of the clubs that had tons of members were too serious. Then the clubs like the calligraphy club were too delicate. The sports clubs were full of egotistic dolts. And the clubs that were supposed to be weird were just joking around. I searched the whole school for haunted spots, but no ghosts had shown up.

_Nothing interesting was here._

He was _WRONG_!

"_It can't be helped if there are none."_

"_Humans settle for what's in front of them."_

"_People who didn't like what was in front of them invent things."_

"_Planes were invented because we wanted to fly."_

"_We have cars and trains because we wanted to move around faster."_

"_It all came from the minds of those who planned to shove away what was in front of them."_

"_Geniuses."_

"_That means, ordinary people like you and me can't possibly change what is around us."_

"_We should just leave it to those who can."_

Damn my head! Stop! What is with this pointless banter? Just . . . just –

"_Shut up_!"

I looked away to the window that was now closer.

I wanted him to be wrong but . . .

_Stupid rocks!_

* * *

Now it is time for the logical narrator to step in. My other counterpart is simply too weak to respond to what I was just told.

I will now proceed to fight with myself.

I can do whatever I want to! If a stupid club wasn't in front of me then I'll have to do something about it. I don't want this idiot to be right! I will prove him _wrong_! Why is this impulse pushing me to do something I _really_ didn't want to do?

A club?

_What club?_

My club?

_Sure._

What would the club be about?

_Who cares?_

No, what would it be about?

_You know . . ._

_Finding something . . ._

_Finding someone . . ._

_Finding _them

_And then finally . . ._

_Never being alone!_

Who cares what's happening! I've got it! I don't know how but –

"What the—"

"I've got it!"

"Got what?"

"I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner!"

"Realize what sooner?"

"If it isn't in front of me, I'll make it myself!"

"Make what yourself?"

"A CLUB!"

* * *

The atmosphere in the room could be compared to an exploding cannon. Or maybe that was just how I viewed it. The room suddenly began to have color, and Kyon gave me a look as if I was announcing my dictatorship of the world.

But who cares about that? I've got it!

"That's great and all . . . but can't you calm down?"

"How could you react like that? This is _the_ development! Don't you understand?"

"We're in the middle of class."

Well I didn't know that Sherlock. It's so obvious that we're in the middle of class . . .

I totally forgot that we were in the middle of class.

Wait, I don't want anyone here knowing what I was about to do. They might keep the empty club rooms to themselves! This is my idea, got it!

I completely forgot that I was holding Kyon and decided to release him.

"Figures . . ." I muttered.

I should've known he would react like that. He was predictable, remember? So why would I rush ahead thinking he would be just as excited? I glared out the window, ideas drifting delicately inside my mind.

I needed a clubroom. But who would give _me_ a clubroom?

* * *

As soon as the bell rang, I sprinted out with Kyon in toe. I didn't meet any resistance from him though as I dragged him down the hallway and made my way to where no one would here our discussion.

If people knew which one of us would find a clubroom, they would definitely ambush. In war, one must hide where the tacticians discussed their plans to annihilate the opposed! But, it's kinda cramped in here so I'm not sure if I could think straight enough . . .

"I need your help," I started.

I brought him to a seemingly abandoned stairwell with only statues of gods to keep us company. Well Mars, it seems like there was someone who broke your nose. Not too war like anymore, huh?

Anyway, I pressed Kyon by his tie so that he would look at me. His eyes were looking practically everywhere and I needed this idiot to focus on me. I had a lot to tell him.

"Help with what?"

There's his stupid innocence again. You know what I'm talking about stupid!

"Making my club!"

I had to think. Where would a seemingly abandoned clubroom be? When I went around the school during break, all the club rooms were taken. Though, if I remember correctly, I didn't check all of the club rooms out. Only the ones that looked interesting.

After hearing him mumble something pointless, I pulled his tie tighter.

"I'll go find members and a clubroom. You sort out the paperwork. Got it?"

Before I rushed out the idiot said something about what the club was for.

Who cares? We need to make it first, duh!

"You situate everything before school ends, okay?"

I heard him grumble shortly before I skipped two steps down the stairwell. I'm so hyped!

Break was over too fast. I didn't even get a chance to look over the old building.

I decided instead to check the bulletin board to see if any clubs were shutting down but I didn't see anything. Jeez, I thought that this school would have a ton of empty rooms. Unless a time traveler heard us and decided to spoil my plans before they actually happened. That would be a paradox though, right?

For the rest of class I sat contemplating paradoxes. If you killed yourself in the past then that would mean you wouldn't even exist to kill yourself in the first place and . . . screw this! I'm just trying to distract myself! I need to think about my club not what time travelers want to do about my club!

Now if only I found a time traveler . . . that would definitely make my day . . .

Let's see . . . lunch period.

I jumped up to where four eyes was sitting. See didn't move a muscle, as expected.

"I'm making a club."

". . ."

Nothing.

"Are you in a club?"

"Yes."

Score! A clear response!

"What club?"

"Literary."

Her words didn't even complete into a sentence.

"So, the Literary Club?"

"Yes."

I sort of expected her to be in such a club, what with her reading every single day like a superficial religion. The single word answers are probably going to get annoying later.

"Do you have anyone else there with you?"

It was hard to imagine her trying to join the club. She is definitely categorized as the shy weak type. Or a loner. Or anything that defines her as quiet. I forgot to check up on the Literary Club when I as at the bullitin board. The post about it must have been pretty small or there was no post about it all which would be pretty odd.

"No."

"Why?"

She stared at me for a brief moment, almost as if she was thinking about a response.

"No need."

. . .

Well that works for me!

"Okay then! I'll be there with a couple of people! I need a room for my club so I'll have to use yours."

Though I was lying about the "couple of people" part. Kyon really only counted as half a person.

"Fine."

Huh?

"Really?"

If she was going to protest then I would have forced her out of it but . . . this works too!

"Well then, okay!"

I decided to skip lunch to look around for decent members. This would be the hardest part, for sure since so far no one seemed interesting or abnormal. I tried to look into the second and third year rooms to see if there was anyone good, but no one fit the criteria.

My criteria is as shown.

1. Super charismatic people are a no go. (Like Asakura Ryoko)

2. People who seemed to like themselves too much are also a no go.

3. Anyone who doesn't look even slightly suspicious should just die.

4. And finally, anyone who thought aliens, time travelers, or espers were bogus should just die in a hole (since dying in a hole is somehow more painful then just dying).

Anyone who denies said criteria will receive a penalty for three years without trial of jury.

Though I didn't write any of that down . . . maybe that's why I didn't find anyone . . .

Damn.

* * *

**I hope to bring more chapters into the future!**

**The review button isn't there for nothing!  
**


	5. Chapter 4: Busty, Beautiful, Annoying

**Melancholy l ylohcnaleM**

The thing about school bells is that they are both welcome and annoying. When you hear a school bell being rung through the halls you feel a sense of relief that the boring teacher has finally shut up but at the same time, you want that annoying bell to shut up as well.

This time, I felt no annoyance from the infernal bell. Why you ask?

"Where are we going?" asked the bug I was pulling along with me.

"The clubroom!" I answered said bug. The rest of the way was simply a blur of motion as we sped (or more like I sped, Kyon was too lazy to run by himself) down the hallways towards the old building. Although I never went to the literary clubroom, I knew for a fact that it wasn't on the first floor since I had cleaned the first floor of clubs.

It was pretty obvious where it was since it was the first room when we climbed the stairs.

"Here we are!"

I slammed the door open and stared to look around the club with a sense of pride. This was ours now, a clubroom of the new club! Now all I need to do is name it something . . .

Wow this room is pretty dull. There was only a bookcase, a table with chairs, and of course four eyes. Technically speaking, only two people stood in the room Kyon (one half), four eyes (barley one half but I'll round up), and me (who was of course one whole person).

I'll go with three people though, the more people in my club the better.

After announcing this is our club like conquering an enemy's castle, Kyon came in looking around with his confused expression. You better not ask what I think you're going to ask.

"Wait, what is this place?"

Called it.

"We're in the Cultural and Arts Department. You know how the Art club and Wind Ensemble have the Art and Music rooms? Well clubs without special rooms like that get placed here in the old building. And this is the literary clubroom!"

"Then it's the Literary Club's room then, right?"

I glanced over to four eyes who didn't move at my glance. After I checked with her I scurried to the bulletin board once again to check if she wasn't lying or something. It turns out that an old flyer from last year was behind the other pointless clubs. It had only five names on it and seemed to be a flyer to recruit new members to replace the old. Once I put two and two together, I realized that four eyes must've replaced the sorry bunch.

How she could've seen such a flier is beyond me.

After explaining this trivial information Kyon (of course) had a problem with it.

"But that means it's not cancelled yet."

"It only has one member though."

What type of activities would this girl be able to do by herself was what I wanted to say but Kyon would probably think of some other stupid excuse. I was perfectly fine with her joining my club too of course; I'm not kicking her out.

I noticed that the girl was a statue in this room except for her small hands turning the pages of her book every second. Seriously, how fast can she read?

"What about her?" Kyon whispered. What's with you? No need to whisper anything like we're going to rob her house tomorrow or something.

"She said it was fine," I replied confidently. The girl didn't flinch once as I mentioned her. Weirdo.

"Really?"

Yes, yes really. Why do you question my logic? It's definitely better then yours.

"I asked her during lunch. She said it was fine as long as she read her books. A bit of a weirdo, huh?"

Kyon mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't exactly hear. I made up the reading books part since I didn't want to give Kyon the simple "because she said so" conversation. I'm sure that's the reason she said yes in the first place.

Kyon glanced over to bookworm and gave her a pitied look. Don't feel sorry for her, it was her decision. If people didn't live with the decisions they made, then no one would want to make choices. She made her choice, so live with it.

With surprise, four eyes looked up at Kyon's glance. Why don't you do that to me? Is it because Kyon's a guy olr something?

"Nagato Yuki."

So that's her name? Why tell him and not me? I'm not that distrustful . . . I think.

Yuki looked back into her book as if what she said wasn't as important as her book.

"So, Nagato-san," Kyon started as if he was pronouncing his love to her. Be a bit less vague please. "This girl here wants to make a I-have-no-idea-what club. Is that all right with you?"

Just to inform you readers, that isn't going to be the name.

"Yes."

Kyon blinked as Yuki answered without emotion.

"We might be a bother . . ."

Who said we were going to bother anyone?

"Not really."

Thank you, someone agrees.

"You might get chased out . . ."

"Go ahead."

Hmm, should I kick her out?

. . . Nah she's pretty weird. I like her.

"Well it's decided then!" I pronounced. I had to get in the way of their boring conversation. She wasn't even responding with any sort of emotion. Was she a robot instead of a time traveler? Maybe . . .

"Make sure you come to the clubroom afterschool from now on. If I don't see you here, heads will roll!"

And I'm serious when I say that. Though for some reason, Kyon nodded his head in consent. Hmm . . . maybe this leadership thing wouldn't be hard after all!

* * *

"I'm happy that you got a clubroom and all but what are we even going to do? Tell me the name of the club for instance."

Whine, whine, whine! Really . . .

"That'll all fall into place later. What's important now is to recruit members. We only need two more."

To have a club, Kyon told me, we needed five members. I would just randomly name people but I didn't want stupid ignorant people to be even on the signup sheet to my club.

Since I didn't trust Kyon with the signup roster – since he probably would randomly name people onto the sheet – I had to find the remaining two. But who? I already had a bookworm and . . . well I didn't know what Kyon was. Anyway, I had to find someone who fit the criteria. It had to be someone suspicious for sure!

After Kyon left me behind to attend to searching for those remaining two members, I started searching the halls of the first floor.

Suddenly, I remembered something. There was this girl who was staring blankly into the ceiling like she was reading it or something. No, it looked like she was reading something in thin air. Before I could talk with her, I realized the stares people were giving her like she was a red carpet idol popping her bust out.

And speaking of bust, I remember that her's were huge. And her body was pretty small as well. Now I find that suspicious. Might as well write her down in my mind for now. If I remember correctly, she was a second year.

. . . That's another thing that looked suspicious. Because there is no way she's a year older than me.

* * *

When I got home I began writing down a list of what I wanted to fill the drab corners of the clubroom. I knew for a fact that I wanted some splash of color. Maybe we'll have a party? Or yeah I don't know what to get. I'll have to search my house for something.

The whole school day went by in slow motion. I remembered the name of this student in question.

Asahina Mikuru. Busty, beautiful, big-hearted. Makes me sick to be honest but she fit a crucial element that was needed.

The Mascot.

We needed someone there to cheer on our wondrous club to find the unknown. A good luck charm more or less. She definitely had tons of luck because of the way she looked. Lady luck would never give me breasts like that . . .

Off topic again, off topic. But like I was saying, I yelled at Kyon to be there before me as I rushed to the second year classrooms. I had to get there before she went home. It was like trying to catch a cicada – I had to be quiet and fast at the same time.

Fortunately for me, the cicada was flying straight at me.

Mikuru happened to be exiting the classroom as soon as I ran down to the second floor. Before I heard a gasp of surprise pass through her pink lips (damn . . . even her lips were pretty . . .) I grabbed her wrist and pulled her down the hallway. She barely weighed anything either, I'm starting to get pissed off.

"Wh-wha—"

"I'll explain later!" I yelled.

Her eyes looked as if she was going to be hung in the hallway by a shoelace. I think she was struggling a bit but I barely felt that. At least I was stronger than her . . .

It was much easier to get to the clubroom from the second year hallway then the first years since we had to descend and extra flight of stairs.

Without checking the signpost above the door, I kicked the door open so that I wouldn't have to risk her escaping. Kyon looked like he just got in himself as he was about to sit down in one of the steel chairs. Pretty lazy to get here at the same exact time as me, I had a passenger.

I realized then that Kyon had no enthusiasm what-so-ever.

"Sorry about being late! It took a while to catch her!"

Well maybe not so long since Kyon just got here. Maybe everything was just rushing around too fast. Has anyone sped up time before?

Mikuru was making annoying squeals behind me as I dragged her inside, locking the door.

. . . Don't want anyone of her followers to walk in.

"Wha-what are you doing? Where is this? Why am I here? W-why are you locking the door? What are y—"

"Be quiet."

She was beginning to equal in Kyon's annoyance. Was this a good idea? Actually, I think I just wanted her to pay for looking so good. Such a creature is so unfair.

I glared at the doorknob as I was thinking how to explain this to Kyon.

"Let me introduce you to Asahina Mikuru-chan!"

Again, Kyon looked at me in disgust.

. . . Why does that look bother me?

Mikuru was crying for no reason. How much of a coward is she? I really want her to feel pain or something because I hate girls who pretend to be damsels and distresses. It then turns out that they're the villain(ess). Though the club needs a Mascot . . . or is that just an excuse?

Kyon massaged his temple as if he was trying to solve the binomial theorem.

"Where did you abduct her from?"

"I didn't abduct her! I made her come with me!"

A big difference. I didn't carry her down the hallway bridal style. She used her own legs to come here herself. No need to hit her over the head and drag her down the hall. Too much work really.

"I found her daydreaming in a second year classroom. I'd remembered seeing her when I scorged the hallways during breaks for anything suspicious."

"That means she's an upperclassman?"

"Yeah, and?"

I will not take note to age differences in this club. I wouldn't even care if Mikuru was an old sage; she's still going to join this club. Why would Kyon care about that sort of thing anyway? It's not like I was doing anything wrong . . .

Kyon sighed deeply.

"Just . . . never mind. Anyway, Asahina-san right? Why do we need her?"

Why does he always add "san" to the end of everyone's name? We aren't talking to a teacher here. Anyway, Kyon needs to seriously open his eyes. It's blindly obvious.

"Just look at her?"

Kyon looked for a brief second but it didn't look like the message was coming across. At least he didn't think she was a model . . .

"She's super cute right? Moe characters are important elements."

"Wait, what?"

Sigh . . . he wasn't listening.

"Moe, moe! Turn-ons! Pretty girls with pitying looks! This character is essential in a strange story, the moe lolita character is always present."

Out of all the manga I've read, the pretty girl stuck in the middle was always there. I sort of wondered why such a useless character was present but I shoved that off as normal after reading a few more manga. This story definitely needed one.

This is not an excuse okay? I do not think she has a bigger bust then me! I'm not trying to make her pay for that! Well . . . it only seems fair . . .

"That's not all!"

Time to suffer! I grabbed Mikuru from behind. Time to pay for all the unnecessary jealousy you put me through the past five minutes.

"Kyah!"

I began feeling those big breasts and her screams resounded through the room. This was one reason why I locked the door. I'm sure these things were half her weight or something. Kyon looked like he was trying not to blush as I continued to grope the moe blob.

"It's so annoying! She sports bigger ones then me!"

Mikuru started stamping my feet but it felt more like a piece of paper had fallen on it. Try harder next time! I did this for a while until Kyon decided to spoil my fun.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Kyon asked with a bit of panic.

"They're huge! Do you want to have a go at them?"

If Kyon said yes to that . . . well I wasn't expecting him to say yes in the first place.

"No thanks."

Way to put it.

"So the only reason you brought Asahina-san here was because she's cute and well endowed?"

"Duh."

Didn't I say that already? He must've been born dumb or something. Kyon did his infamous sigh and proceeded to try and destroy my plans.

"Is a mascot character necessary?"

I'm not going to repeat myself anymore. I decided then that if Kyon asks any questions where I have to repeat something I already said, then I simply will ignore him. I can deal with interesting questions, just don't ask obvious ones?

"Hey Mikuru-chan. Are you in any clubs?"

If she is in one then I'll be able to easily protest to that.

"The Calligraphy Club—"

"Then quit it. I don't want that getting in the way of our club activities."

Weird, I joined the Calligraphy Club for a bit. Now that I think about it, she was there too. She was looking at me nervously if I remember correctly. She must have future sight then! She's looking at me with that same look in the Calligraphy Club's room. Kyon looked simply devastated. You barely know her so why are you defending her? Before I could threaten Mikuru to join, she nodded soundlessly.

Great!

"What does the Literary Club do?"

Man is she dense. Isn't it obvious that this isn't the literary clubroom anymore? Kyon proceeded to explain what had just happened over the last few days and Mikuru muttered "ah" and "oh".

So annoyingly cute!

I was getting pissed off on how Kyon kept saying "unnamed association" like it was the actual name so I got to think. What would it be called? We only needed one more member.

I wanted to name it after something nostalgic. Something that would remind me of the reason I started looking for the abnormal.

"_Remember the John Smith that will save the world . . ."_

That's it!

"No worries! I've thought of a name!"

"Spit it out."

* * *

**S**aving the world by

**O**verloading it with fun

**S**uzumiya Haruhi's Brigade

**SOS** Brigade for short.

Let the name live in your minds for eternity!

* * *

**Thus the SOS Brigade is born! Though you already know that . . .**

**You know what to do.  
**


	6. Chapter 5:The Plan l Phase One l

**Melancholy l ylohcnaleM**

"_Isn't that new kid strange?"_

"_Yeah, I know. Weirdo."_

Chomp.

I took a bite of my popcorn as I gazed towards the TV. I was watching some random anime that happened to be on since I couldn't get any sleep what with all the SOS brigade planning all stuck in my head. I just couldn't figure out who should be my next member. I know that everyone else in this school would avoid us, so it's pointless to get anyone in school . . .

"_So the mysterious transfer student was actually a spy?"_

Hmm . . .

* * *

"You know what we need?" I began to ask Kyon the next day.

"What?"

"We need to get our hands on a mysterious transfer student!"

I can't believe I didn't think of that before. Obviously if there isn't anyone interesting here they just have to transfer in!

"Before that why don't you define 'mysterious'?"

Is he a moron? Everyone knows what "mysterious" means! If you need the dictionary then here!

**Mys-te-ri-ous (Adjective) – **_about whom or which little is known, but who or which excites considerable curiosity_

There, defined it. Though I wouldn't be able to bring out a dictionary right now; I had to prepare a few things for tomorrow . . .

"Well if anyone transfers in this two month period, wouldn't that be weird? They would automatically be suspicious!"

Which allows me to pick easier! Unless no one transfers here . . . Why am I being so negative? This isn't like me . . .

"Huh? But what if their parents got a transfer and they had to come along?"

God, why does he echo my negative side? Does this mean there is even more _less_ of a chance for them being an esper?

"But that's abnormal!"

If you think about it, who transfers during the traditional month of melancholy? If everyone transferred during spring, it wouldn't become May _melancholy_. It's pretty obvious after you think about it for a while, which is why anyone who tranfers during spring is suspicious. Although . . . no one ever transferred into my class in Junior High . . .

"I wonder when this mysterious transfer student will show up."

And with that the bell rang signaling the long annoyingly patient wait I will have to endure for the entire day basically. I will prepare my plans after school.

* * *

After school, electronics store.

My plan to make the clubroom seem more . . . clubroom like. You would guess that I was there to buy a computer or a stereo (though I'd probably get the cheapest stereo they had) but I was there for other reasons.

I wanted a computer. And no, I wasn't going to go steal one. I'm not that desperate. I wasn't going to buy one either – not that desperate.

I looked over towards the newer models and marked their names down. There were a ton of them and the names were so long. It was so annoying, why can't the stupid nerds keep the model names to a common dictionary level? Unfortunately, I had to write them down or else it wouldn't work.

"Do you want anything miss?" said a stupid salesclerk who looked pretty bored. Mind your own business nerd!

After naming him a couple of biased names he laughed. He laughed IN MY FACE! I'm going to kill him!

After fuming for a few seconds, I saw him nod towards an old looking stereo.

In the end, I took a free stereo along with the list of new computer models. Why do I always end up not killing a person if they offer something for free? Am I really that cheap?

* * *

The next day I took the stereo, a bag of some utensils, and some other stuff. I still needed to obtain a few accessories for Mikuru since she is the mascot. For some reason, she just had this serving people kindness thing going that would be taken advantage of, definitly. If you put Mikuru in a maid outfit, she would be able to fit in anywhere. The stupid school uniform doesn't look good on her anyway.

Though, I'm off subject once again. Stupid habit.

I decided that during lunch I would head towards the Drama clubroom with determination, ready to take whatever was needed for our club mai– mascot. I knew I needed some materials so that we could begin to attract the abnormal. That was the reason for the club right? I think . . .?

Unfortunately, I was too preoccupied with our mascot that I forgot about the reason for a brief second, though I have a reason for taking all the things that were "temporally displaced" from the Drama clubroom. That included a clothes rack, (I had to shove a bunch of costumes off it though. What a pointless club all you do is act like someone interesting when you aren't interesting yourself) a disposable camera, (no one would realize it was gone) an old fashioned fridge that was rotting in a corner, (though it did look like it was going to be a prop for their next play or something, if it was they should've made it more important looking) and a reflector board(have no idea what I would use it for).

Fortunately for me, the Drama Club wanted to eat lunch in the cafeteria and I saw briefly on the boards that it only had seven members. Pretty sad to be honest.

Carrying the fridge was a piece of cake, the problem was the clothes rack. Law of physics state that what goes up must go down and a clothes rack going down a flight of stairs fit the same criteria. Who cares about the stupid laws of physics? I'm sure that when I ever get to go on a space ship to Mars, it would turn out that we could actually stand on the ground of the ship and not have to worry about buckling in order to go pee.

Gravity is here for a reason so might as well make use of it.

I pushed that thing down with ease – after making sure no one was in the way of course. I don't really want to hurt anyone (though if they tried to stop it I wouldn't care less). That made things easier except for the fact that it fell over onto it's side when it got to the second floor.

I hate gravity sometimes.

* * *

After stealing a tea set from the Tea Ceremony Society along with an earthenware pot, the bell to return to class rang. I decided to pay a visit to the cafeteria the next break to sneak some old stove from the kitchen. I'm pretty lucky to be getting all this old stuff. Does no one ever think "one man's trash, another man's treasure"? In this case though, it's a woman.

Really, people are so ungrateful. Who knows if we happen to be snowed out in July and the only stove that worked without electricity happened to be the one I took a few months ago. Everyone would starve except for the SOS Brigade!

Though is that really a good thing?

. . . Whatever. Anyway, I collected everything that was needed. I only needed a few more things for the club to become more official . . .

Oh! And I forgot!

During the last bell I took out a sharpy along with an armband I had stuffed in my bag. I saw Kyon glance at me for a brief second but he didn't see me mess around with the armband since I hide it underneath my head and pretended I was asleep. I didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Finally! The school day is over!

Should I go check to see if Mikuru is coming? I'm sort of worried she wouldn't show. If she left I wouldn't care since that would mean she didn't care about the Brigade. People like that should die.

Anyway, I yelled at Kyon to be there as I ran ahead. I slipped the armband on and ran to the clubroom.

How would I bring up the subject of the computer? I've thought about that already.

When I got to the clubroom, I straightened out a few things and stole a desk from three rooms over. When I returned with desk in hand, Kyon still wasn't there (lazy) but some how Yuki was. She didn't look up at all when I pushed the desk beside her. She was still reading that Sci-fi book. Hardcore.

While the two slow pokes took their time to get here I decided to talk with the bibliophile.

"How's the book?" I asked, though I could care less.

"Unique."

"And?"

Yuki looked up to study my features for a few seconds before returning to her book.

"Interesting."

That's the same thing as unique you know.

Before I forgot, I reached into my bag once again and placed the Brigade Symbol (at least for now) onto the desk. I bought a pyramid before hand and had written the same words that I had written on my armband.

Brigade Chief.

And I'm loving the sound of that!

I sat on the desk and waited for the two to show up. One door open, check. One nervous sounding door open, check. Now for my plan to come into action!

"I want a computer," I stated, "We're living in the information age without a computer. I can't forgive them."

After all, I knew for a fact that they had risen the prices of those computers when I happened to check in.

"Oh look, Haruhi's coming!"

"Raise the prices, hurry!"

_Typical. _

I leapt off the desk and gave Kyon a look that told him to get up. He didn't get it though, of course.

"Let's go get one then!"

"Get a computer? Are you going to raid the electronics store or something?"

I really thought about that after nerd cashier threatened my pride but it would be easier to do what I planned since a couple days ago.

"Of course not, we're going to go to somewhere closer!"

I pulled Kyon up from his seat and ordered Mikuru to follow. Yuki isn't really needed but she stayed anyway.

I showed them to the room next door "Computer Research Society". Stupid name. Integration Data Brigade (IDB) sounds cooler.

Kyon had the look as if he understood everything and shook his head for some reason. It's not going to be that bad. Mikuru looked confused (annoying) and placed her finger on her chin (annoying). Stop being so damn annoyingly cute.

"Hold this. I'm going to tell you plan so don't screw up the timing."

Kyon glared at the camera like I had handed him a snake and was wondering what to do with it. I sort of worried Kyon wouldn't go along with any of this since for some reason he was a bit defensive about me touching Mikuru (like how he pulled me off her that one time). If he told Mikuru anything, I would exchange roles - with him.

. . . And I didn't want to resort to that.

So I pulled him closer to whisper the plan in entirety - without that threat though since I wanted to test his trust first. He looked over to Mikuru nervously then back to me.

"Everything will be fine!" I reassured.

I opened the door softly and waved my hand for them to follow.

Plan in action.

"Good afternoon everyone! I'm here to get a computer along with the equipment needed for it to function!"

* * *

So here I am, surfing the net with a brand new computer. How did I get this computer you ask? A thief never reveals her secrets.

. . . Unless the co-thief likes to talk a lot.

"Stop worrying over Mikuru, Kyon! She isn't five!"

* * *

**Another chapter down and I'm still ready to go! Thank you for the reviews everyone! Constructive criticism is welcome!**


	7. Chapter 6:The Plan l Phase Two l

**Melancholy l ylohcnaleM**

The World Wide Web.

Dangerously entertaining, the new world of the modern day era. So much information that God would even be surprised. Well, I certainly was.

Long story short, my parents didn't trust me on the internet. You probably already knew that, right?

So, now that I'm free from any monitor stalkers . . .(except Yuki) time to search for aliens!

After Kyon went out of the room to convince Mikuru that the "coast is clear" (I have no idea what he meant by that), I immediately opened up Google. Before typing anything though, I rejoiced inside on the disappearance of the parent control option. I'm free!

Now . . . what to type in?

I looked over to Yuki who was still reading that sci-fi book.

I know I'll start with . . .

"Stupid!" I yelled out. Somehow, Yuki didn't jump from my shouting. Figures . . .

I glared at Yuki and pointed at the monitor.

"Yuki, tell me what you think of this!"

She paused from flipping her page to look up at the computer. Can't you make more movements then a machine?

"Movie," she said after a few seconds of careful thought. Idiot.

"Of course I know it's a movie! Isn't it stupid? I typed in 'alien' and this is what the 'greatest search engine in the world' could come up with? No warp portals to a distant galaxy? No alien land sites? No alien languages? And what are these stupid pictures? Aliens don't look like that! Stupid!"

My rant went unheard as Yuki went back to her book.

. . . She just ignored me again, didn't she?

* * *

"I've decided that the Brigade needs a website," I said, closing out a website as Kyon sat in the chair beside me. He looked over in mild interest.

"So? Whose going to make this website or whatever?"

"You."

Since I have no idea how to make a website and I didn't listen to the computer prez about the applications and such since those wouldn't be important. Maybe I should've asked for a printer as well? It's too late though . . .

I looked over to the computer and opened another page and typed in "time machine". I might as well give it a second chance. Mikuru continued sobbing on the table for some unknown reason. And no, I'm not explaining why she's crying since I would risk the computer prez taking this computer away from me. Don't want that now, do you?

"You have tons of free time don't you? Do it. I have to find the other members."

Though in reality, I was waiting for the transfer student to come in and I had to give Kyon an alibi. Reason? I'll just state it in one word, plan.

"Have it up in a day or so or else we wouldn't be able to do any club activities."

- Or be unable to initiate the second stage of my plan.

"Easy for you to say," he said. I ignored that of course. It _should _be easy for you . . .

* * *

Anyway, the next day as I put a bag inside my shoe locker, (I tried to stuff it in as best as I could) Asakura Ryoko unexpectedly popped up next to me. I was _almost _surprised but not by much.

"You sure come in early Suzumiya-san," she said with energy. I slipped my shoes on quietly and ignored her. If she isn't going to say something along the lines of "_I'll kill you_" then her words are pointless. "So what are you doing with him?"

Him? Him who? Oh, _him_.

Ignoring is bliss. That's the rule from now on.

Without warning, Asakura stepped in front of me. Is she trying to start a fight?

"Can't you just answer this? What do you think of him?"

I think he's an annoying fly in my ear if that's what you mean by _think of_.

"Friend? Comrade? I need to know for my–"

"Look, I don't really care about him, alright? So leave me alone," I said coldly.

I walked around Asakura in anger. Before I fully left, I heard her whisper,

"_Really?_"

. . . Yeah, I'll have to admit that was creepy.

* * *

Anyway . . . that wasn't important at all . . . What was important was what was going to be on the flyers.

Yes, flyers.

I sat in the classroom writing the advertisement for the SOS Brigade during lunch. Even though I usually went to the cafeteria to eat, I wasn't very hungry and I had too much planning going on in my head. The food sucks anyway.

Basically, the flyer consisted the reasons I created the club. To find the unknown, as you already know (and what Kyon _should _know) by now. Aliens, time travelers, and espers. Maybe sliders but I sort of gave up on them three years ago. No reason . . . I think . . .

Anyway, the SOS Brigade will make it's stand! As you know, the chances to advertise the club flew out the window as soon as we entered May. We couldn't just take out the table and advertise normally (plus that would be boring) so we had to resort to other means.

Mikuru is being more useful then you Kyon! How does that make you feel?

Well if I think about it for a bit, you wouldn't care at all . . .

I was still putting the finishing touches on the flyer draft as Kyon came in before the final lunch bell rang. That fast? I would've expected him to skip class to put the animations and explosions on it. Though, I should've expected this from him by now . . .

"Well? Is the site done?"

"Yeah but it's probably going to piss off the visitors."

The content of the website doesn't matter right now .

"We just need an e-mail address."

"Wouldn't a text message address work then?"

Is he stupid?

"Of course not! It wouldn't handle the amount of responses then!"

"Why would a newly created email address get flooded with e-mails?"

I smirked at him as I hid the notebook piece of paper underneath my arm.

"That's a secret."

* * *

Annoying, _bzzt_, annoying, _bzzt_, ANNOYING!

Why does printing out hundreds of flyers annoy the hell out of me? Is it the noise or. . .?

Yeah . . . I hope a teacher doesn't walk in. I can't believe they didn't lock this room up, idiots. After two hundred bzzts later, I stuffed the stack into an empty paper bag I had brought along with me.

I heard the bell ring around the 187th bzzt so Kyon and the others should be there now. Perfect!

I dashed out of there and felt something heavy on the other side of the door as I kicked it open. I decided not to look at who it was but it briefly looked like Okabe for some reason. Not so agile at handball anymore, huh? You might as well join Mars, he's going to need company.

Anyway, I dashed to the clubroom in hyper jumps and before I knew it, the door was before me.

"Oi, Oi!" I yelled as I opened the door. Kyon and Mikuru looked up from whatever they were doing and equally gave me angry and fearful glares.

"Sorry that took so long!"

I shoved the bags on the floor then locked the door behind me. I really wish this thing locked the other way . . .

Mikuru jumped at the sound. Wimp.

"What are you planning to do now, Suzumiya? Just so you know, I refuse to burglar. Or blackmail."

Shut up, idiot!

"What are you talking about? I never do things like that."

"Then explain the computer on that desk."

They _gave_ it to us. Nothing wrong with that. After reassuring Kyon, I picked up the bags and threw them on the long table. I grabbed about twenty of the flyers and handed one of them to Kyon.

"These are the flyers I made to spread the name of the SOS Brigade. I snuck in the copy room to print out two hundred of these."

Kyon didn't look impressed as he glanced at it. Have more enthusiasm dammit! I gave one to Mikuru as well but she just put her finger on her chin as her eyes widened further. You probably already know my reaction to this but I'll say it again – annoyingly cute!

"Let's go pass them out now!"

"Where?"

"The front gate. There should be plenty of people going home now."

"Oh, really," Kyon said. I wanted to say "yes really" but I held back since I didn't want my prey to escape. Kyon reached over to the paper bag that had _that _in it but I fended him off. He isn't going to stop me!

"You don't need to come. Mikuru-chan's the one coming with me!"

"What?"

I grinned as Mikuru tilted her head. Hehe, what she doesn't know . . .

I reached into the bag that I was holding and grabbed the first item inside it.

"Ta-dah!"

Bunny girl!

"Um, um, um, what's this?"

Ha, she still doesn't know!

"Can't you tell? _Bunny girl_!"

"Y-Y-You can't mean I'm going to wear . . ."

"I'm wearing one too, of course!"

Can't let Mikuru get ahead . . .

Uh . . . forget I thought that, forget I thought that.

"I-I can't wear that!"

What?

"Don't worry it should be the right size."

"No not that. Are we going to wear those while passing flyers at the school gate?"

She really is dumb.

"Isn't that obvious!"

Stop acting like Kyon. You're lucky that you're of more use then him!

"I-I don't want too!"

"Shut up."

Now to attack while she's still recovering from shock!

"Stop struggling!"

"Noooo!"

I began leafing off Mikuru's drab uniform as she began to stand up. I easily got the top of her uniform and I began to undo her skirt as I saw Kyon standing up in the corner of my eye. Damn, I thought he would've ran out by now . . .

"Don't look!" was the screaming of Mikuru.

Fortuanatly for me, Kyon was actually not dumb and ran outside of the clubroom. If he had stayed . . .

I _hate _perverted thoughts.

For the male eyes that are possibly reading this, I will not go into full detail on what happened. I'll just say that I opened the door as soon as I got both our bunny girl outfits on with Mikuru screaming in my ear the whole time. Kyon better be holding that door shut so that no one could come in!

Kyon had a mixed reaction of disgust and pleasure. Make up your mind stupid!

"What do you think?" I asked as I walked out with confidence. Mikuru was still cowering somewhere in the room. Why don't you guess where Kyon's eyes ended up?

"This'll be perfect for attracting attention! Most people walking by will take our flyers if we're dressed like this, right?"

"Well yeah, two people in costumes are bound to attract attention –" Isn't that obvious? "– what about Nagato?"

Wow, I just forgot she was in the room during the whole undressing part. That doesn't matter though.

"I could only buy two of them. The full set was expensive."

"Where do they sell this stuff?"

What, do you want to buy some?

"Online."

" . . . I see."

Kyon looked as if he understood something but he really didn't. After searching "aliens" on Google I decided to get to the real reason I had stolen the computer. To get costumes for Mikuru and myself of course! Unfortunately, they didn't ship fast enough for it to arrive in time for my plan so I had to go to one of their stores to buy a set.

At least I didn't have to pay for shipping, now that was expensive.

I didn't tell Kyon of this little fact though since I was afraid he would actually go to the store and buy costumes. . .

Though I can't really see him doing that.

"Let's go Mikuru!"

I grabbed her hand along with the bag of flyers and dragged both into the hallway. If Kyon wanted to protest I would've expected him to do so now. But with how willing he was to help out with the theft, I was doubting it.

Over all, the decent down the stairs was slow going. I wished that Mikuru was a clothes rack so I could just push her down. Then I would thank gravity.

* * *

"Spreading the word of the SOS Brigade! Hey, have you seen any martians lately?"

"Kyah!"

I handed a flyer to some small looking boy as Mikuru cowered away from the crowd of people exiting the old school building.

"Come on Mikuru! You're suppose to advertise the SOS Brigade!"

"Uh, uh, please take this."

Mikuru completely dropped the flyer she was handing out as she started passing it to a confused looking bystander. I ignored whatever she was doing next as I handed three more out to some male students who stopped. So far, so good!

"Hey you!"

Damn!

The front doors of the school were wide open and Okabe and some other teachers came storming into our direction. Hmm . . . wonder how you got that bruise on your head Okabe? I'm not going to leave without a fight, obviously.

"Stop!"

Mikuru shuddered as she dropped the remaining flyers she had (which was a lot since she hasn't been doing anything besides hiding behind me). Before this war ended (with me as victor hopefully) I threw a couple of flyers into their faces.

I thought it would work since I saw it work tons of times in movies but . . . they just plowed right through and grabbed my wrists. Mikuru, do something!

"I . . . I . . ."

She continued to cry. Really, should I have expected anything from her?

Phase two, failed.

* * *

**Hey, sorry if it seemed a while but I had written the first part of this chapter and with my stupidity, I didn't save it. That's the lowest of stupidity there. Now that I look back, I like how I wrote it now then the erased version. Maybe I should not save my work in the future? Then the second version would be better! **

**Someone help me . . .**

**Edit - Fixed small typos I didn't see.**


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